You Hurt Me The Most - LISA The Painful

Content Warning: The following contains discussions of child abuse, rape, and suicide.

            Pain is a very good word to describe the LISA series. Not in a ludic sense that it is challenging, but that its narrative is hard to take. It’s a very harsh, but honest story, a story of abuse.

            LISA The Painful is definitely the “core” of the series. It’s not only by far the longest of three, but it’s also where the game’s narrative conceits all come together to express what the series has to say not only about abuse, but fatherhood and masculinity.

            LISA The Painful is probably best known as the post-apocalyptic side-scrolling RPG that was backed on Kickstarter. A sacrifice system where you must sacrifice party members or your own limbs was a big attraction to the game. The game is also well known for its cameos from people like The Dismal Jesters. “A game about survival, sacrifice, and perverts…” was the big marketing tagline for LISA The Painful on its Kickstarter page which I wouldn’t say is wrong, but the Kickstarter paints a much different picture than I what I feel I’ve experienced playing the game. Maybe focus shifted into this darker narrative later down the line, but considering it has always shared the title LISA, I’d doubt it. Possibly advertising your game as a narrative about child abuse and toxic masculinity just doesn’t sell sadly. I’m not really throwing shade towards Dingaling. The game does deliver on its promise of a very charming Earthbound mixed with Fist of the North Star vibe it’s selling itself on when it’s not knee deep in the despair of its narrative, but it’s just so surreal to see the Kickstarter page after playing the game. Oh and if you are curious, no I did not back the game.

            There was a great white flash and suddenly the world was a barren wasteland. We leave the mind of Lisa and enter the post-apocalyptic world of Olathe. Decades have passed. The world is a ruin full of gangs, drugs, violence, but completely bereft of women. However, our protagonist for this game Brad Armstrong, son of Marty and brother to Lisa, finds an orphaned infant girl. He decides to keep her for himself to raise as his daughter. He names her Buddy.

            The game opens on its main menu. Before you on the right of the frame is a familiar sprite, Lisa, hanged. Before the apocalypse Brad and Lisa lived with Marty in their seemingly normal home. Though we know from LISA The First that is clearly not the case. Lisa and Brad were abused by their alcoholic father, Lisa we know was frequently raped by Marty. The very first sight we see even before starting the game tells us exactly where LISA The First led. Brad then looks to his new adopted daughter Buddy, and thinks of her as his second chance to make up for not being able to save Lisa.

            Immediately we already see the game’s narrative and messaging coming together. A land of men in chaos that has wiped out all of women except for one infant girl, the game doesn’t say exactly why, but considering the game’s theme of men’s abuse on women it’s not too much to infer that the unchecked toxic masculinity was taken to its extreme in the wasteland and they abused women into near extinction. That’s already just the setting and theme sending a potent message about what it thinks of the horrors of masculinity.

            Also extremely important to our setting is the drug Joy. Joy is an extremely addictive drug that a lot of men of Olathe have taken to cope with the end of the world. Joy often has the side effect of forcing people to act on their inner most desires. It also has some other extreme side effects. For now what is important about Joy is that Brad is an addict. It’s implied that Brad took to Joy to escape from the ghosts of Marty’s abuse and Lisa’s death. Brad’s Joy addiction is also a strong reflection of his father’s alcoholism which may have been partly responsible for his abuse. If that wasn’t enough Joy addiction is an important gameplay mechanic where Brad can suffer from Withdrawals which affects his performance in battle. Joy is also an extremely powerful consumable that both replenishes health, but also buffs damage done. The gameplay functions of Joy are not quite as important other than the game constantly trying to tempt you into using Joy.

            The adventure begins as word about Buddy being the sole surviving woman in the apocalypse spreads and she kidnapped. Brad must go on a journey to get Buddy back. It sounds like a pretty boring standard hero’s journey but don’t worry, the game does a great job at subverting this to express its ideas about Brad and his quest to save Buddy. On your journey you’ll meet many strange characters including childhood friends, childhood bullies, party members who you can enlist into your party, and two very important antagonists to Brad, the masked warlord Rando and a man obsessed with causing Brad pain Buzzo.

The party members are honestly pretty boring and literally expendable characters. Party members can leave your party or be Perma-Killed either through events or special boss moves. The characters are mostly just one-note characters with a variety of abilities. They’re one of the many flaws in my opinion of the game and while I have recruited (almost) all of them I haven’t felt particularly attached to any of them. They can be kidnapped while you sleep at a campfire and held for ransom by gangs as well. There is a particularly interesting segment in which you are forced into a few games of Russian Roulette that is completely random and can permanently kill off party members. It is an interesting situation but the random element makes it pretty frustrating and probably one of the few instances where I’d say the game is excessively cruel only to fit an aesthetic.

Buzzo is interesting in that he’s part of one of the game’s main selling points “Sacrifice”. Buzzo will stop you on your journey and force you into ultimatums that include sacrificing party members, giving up your items, or sacrificing your arms. Like I’ve described above though the issue is that there are so many party members and they are all pretty boring characters so it’s not a difficult choice to just sacrifice them unless they are integral to your battle strategy. These mostly came off to me as more calculated decisions than heartfelt dilemmas. The only time this ever felt like a tough choice is when Buzzo holds Buddy captive and gives you an option to cut off one of her nipples. Yeah, that’s probably another situation where the game goes a bit too far to be more edgy than it even needs to be, especially since you are rewarded with her nipple as an equipable item. Buzzo is a pretty important antagonist of the series, but sadly he doesn't offer much to the text of LISA and is almost completely redundant when we dive into his backstory later in LISA The Joyful.

And about Rando…. we’ll get to Rando later. (Spoilers, of course the masked warlord is the final boss)

Anyway you are probably wondering if the game tries to be way more excessively cruel for aesthetics, and sadly it does, but mostly outside of the main narrative. There’s a lot of side stuff that leads into “wacky dark humor” stuff that of course is there. There’s a lot of ultimately pointless violence that doesn’t exactly serve any purpose than to be there, suicides that more come off as jokes thus somewhat undermining the series narrative conceits about suicide, and a lot of npcs yelling about wanting to rape Buddy, which makes sense considering the setting, but it does at times seem a bit much and once again considering the narrative being about the rape and abuse of a young girl and its effects on a large amount of people, seems a bit out of place. I guess Olathe really is a land of “Perverts” as advertised. Speaking of “Perverts” the way the Dismal Jesters cameo in the game is really fucking strange, but not really in a good way in my opinion. “Slave Lord Jim” basically forces you into playing the role of Jonathan Holmes in his famous “Sexy Boy Jonathon” bit, but it just comes off as really creepy when it involves the player as an ultimately non-consenting member. Though fun fact, I crit the Jonathan Holmes boss for 10K damage!

Alright, so those of you in know are probably wondering what I think about the “Queen Bees” as a queer trans woman who also happens to be pro-sex work. First off, how dare you be so presumptuous that because I am a queer trans woman I must have a special opinion on this part of the game, but in all seriousness… I’m a bit mixed on it. The Queen Bees are a group of drag queen sex workers who run a brothel in the swamp area of the game, and yes their appearance is probably… exactly what you are thinking of. However, despite their real sad stereotypical appearances the Queen Bees are actually pretty cool. The game is largely pretty sex-worker positive and you can even become one yourself. It is odd that the game systemizes sex-work as combat which could be problematic for a variety of reasons, but what it does great is that it makes sex-work appear just like your regular grind, it is WORK. I find the Queen Bees interesting but definitely could probably be greatly improved in a lot of ways.

So that’s a lot of ugly negatives, but what the game is truly brilliant at is its narrative, so I’ll get back to that.  Where the game story finally shows its hand is when Brad is finally reunited with Buddy. However, Buddy refuses Brad. Buddy expresses her hatred of Brad. Brad is a terrible, obsessive, and abusive father. He’s not quite obviously abusive in the sense that his father is, however Brad is still terrible. He spent his time raising Buddy high on Joy and locking Buddy in a basement. Once again, more reflections between Brad and his father Marty. Brad has also gone on a quest to retrieve Buddy by murdering people who are ultimately trying to help Buddy. Buddy has accepted her fate as the new mother of mankind, but Brad still tries to take her back. Buddy ultimately gets away but Brad still continues his journey to chase her down.

Where does Lisa fit into all this? Well, part of Brad’s obsession over raising Buddy is that he feels he needs to redeem himself for not saving his sister. Brad is merely using Buddy as a replacement for Lisa, thus robbing Buddy of her individuality along with her consent over her fate. Brad not letting go of his sister’s death and placing the blame all on himself. This is a fascinating exploration through the mind of an abuser. How Brad sees the world, himself, and Buddy in extremely unhealthy ways. And do not be mistaken, the narrative clearly does not paint Brad in a negative light. The game may try to persuade you to think that way making him the “hero” but the game subverts this to show you how awful the hero father really is in this story.

Speaking of Lisa, there is a really interesting part towards the end where Brad finds Buddy living with Marty Armstrong. You get to beat Marty to death, which is very cathartic! It also serves the narrative purpose of having Brad ultimately lowering Brad to Marty’s level. You do get the choice to spare Marty, but ultimately your player consent is denied as the effect of Joy forces Brad to give into his desires.

At last you make it to Rando Land… well there’s a sidequest where you join a wrestling company and break the Death Queen’s streak and a superboss named Satan (who’s sadly not actually Satan), but I could really gush on forever let’s get to Rando Land, the end of the game.

At last you make it to Rando Land where Buddy is with Rando and his army. Sadly we don’t get a lot of backstory on Rando quite yet, but he’s probably the least villainous final boss ever. The first time you meet him, he has tears falling from his mask. When you ultimately meet him and his army at Rando Land he finally speaks… but with a stutter as if he’s actually emotionally weak, though he is super buff and a master of the martial arts like Brad so he’s no pushover. Honestly, Rando would probably be considered the true hero of the LISA series as he’s a real nice guy and wants to help Buddy realize her destiny of the matriarch of mankind. While I'd disagree with that statement for reasons specific to LISA The Joyful, I will agree that he is certainly a foil to Brad, though as I’ve mentioned, this isn’t a story of heroes.

Before Brad faces off the entire Rando Army by himself, Brad’s former party members (or at least the ones in your immediate active party) return and immediately turn on Brad. In case you had any doubt, either this or Buddy literally spelling out to you should hammer in the idea that “[BRAD] IS A MONSTER”. Brad kills his party members, Brad kills the Rando Army, and Brad faces Rando himself.

In the end Brad is left severely wounded, bleeding out, arrows sticking out of him like a pincushion. He walks over to Buddy who is now alone amidst the corpses. Brad and Buddy talk. Buddy expresses her hatred for Brad and all that he has done to hurt her. Tears fall from Brad’s eyes. He asks Buddy to hug him. The game offers you a final choice. Interestingly enough you control Buddy in this last instance. Finally Buddy can have a choice in the narrative! The ending to LISA The Painful is probably one of the most strongest endings to any game I feel I've played. Its a brilliant subversion of the "heroic final stand" and an extremely tragic end for our characters. I feel like I'd put this up there for one of the most impactful, emotional endings up there with the likes of MOTHER 3, which is certainly a big inspiration of Dingaling.

Brad collapses. Credits roll.

“Lisa…”

Accept It - LISA The FIrst

Content Warning: The following contains discussions of child abuse, rape, and suicide.

            LISA The First is probably one of the hardest games to sit through that I have ever played. Not because it is difficult, but because the subject matter hits me in a very personal way that I don’t feel comfortable disclosing here. As Lisa makes her way from her room, down the hallway, as the sound a tv gets louder and louder, frozen at the top of a stair case, terrified of who sits down there… I panicked. I shut the game off. I didn’t play it for a few more days. I knew about the subject matter coming into it, but I was not prepared on how it would trigger such a specific feeling inside me.

            Of course you read the content warning up above, but the LISA series is a series primarily about the ripple effects from an abuse of the titular young girl Lisa from her father Marty Armstrong. The First is a psychological adventure game in which you try to run away from your abuse. Unique from the later two, LISA The First is not an RPG and has no combat. It is also the only game that has a traditional RPG top-down view. LISA The First is a very experimental game about exploring the mind of a young girl in this dark and horrible situation.

            You’d think I’d hate the game for how it made me feel, but instead I found it endlessly fascinating. To have a game that, even if accidently, hits me at such a personal level that I have never experienced in any other game is just beautiful to me. It feels like a game I’ve been waiting to have the courage to create myself, but has already been made for me.

            Of course being a game about child abuse and rape you’d probably wonder if it does a decent job at handing the subject matter with enough tact to not be exploitive or insulting. For the most parts I’d say yes. LISA The First has a cruel, but honest exploration about the abuse depicted. The game is about trying your hardest in vain to escape the abuse, but no matter how far you run, you can never forget, the abuse will always be with you. Lisa could never escape her father Marty. No matter what she’d always see his face. The ending tells you to just accept it. This is the awful reality that Lisa has to face. Even in the secret alternate ending, where Lisa tries to find comfort in memories of her mother, all she can see is Marty’s face.

            LISA The First is very bleak about its outlook, which I can understand if that would disappoint people. The game doesn’t have an uplifting message about abuse. The game is cruel, but sadly relatable, possibly even too much so for me.

Framerate Debate - FPS and Objective Quality

            There’s a rather large debate going on recently though has been really going on for years, decades even, about games and their frame rates. 60 Frames Per Second recently has been getting probably the largest spotlight it ever has in the industry. Due to consumer demand, a lot of games have been even claiming “60 FPS!” as a major selling point. The industry seems to be pushing 60 FPS as a new industry standard and consumers are happy to have their voices heard.

            ...Though some might argue maybe too happy. I’m not exactly interested in pointing fingers, but there appears to be a few groups pushing the 60 FPS standard with more effort than ever before. Through a plethora of methods passionate fans are pushing harder than ever to get their precious frames. However, I can understand how some might be a bit concerned with this “framerate policing”.

            Now don’t get me wrong, typically I would say that 60 FPS would preferable to lower framerates, but I have no illusion that a game’s framerate is some sort of objective statement about its quality. There are plenty of games that suffer from low framerates and some that wouldn’t exactly gain anything from more frames. There are plenty of sub-60 FPS games that are fantastic, and some 60 FPS games that are just terrible. I can’t help but feel the people pushing the 60 FPS standard so aggressively are chasing some ghost of objective quality that just does not exist in the art form of video games.

            I can totally understand where the argument may stem from though. A higher framerate would make for smoother controls. A lot of games are action packed so every frame could make the difference between life and death. Higher framerates are probably most noticeably important in fighting games where single frame reactions and links between moves could mean the difference between victory or defeat. Though video games are a much bigger art form than twitch action games and not all of these really need the extra frames.

            The game industry at large has been pretty poor at communicating about this issue though. When fans would ask about sub-60 framerates the industry would come up with some really poor excuses. Though their actual reasoning is likely very simple. The industry pushed hard in the visuals. Picture perfect graphics, high poly counts, detailed textures, lighting and other effects, the list goes on. All of these graphical touches require system resources and they can easily improve these graphical elements at the cost of having to animate more frames. Simply put, the industry had much higher priority in graphics than it did framerate.

            Personally I don’t exactly agree with this reasoning a lot of the time. Most these graphical touches don’t exactly amount to anything substantial to me. When the industry wants to churn out bland, uninteresting, gritty, realistic looking games I can’t get too excited for what they care to do with the system resources they dedicate to graphics. In most cases I’d probably agree totally that the industry could ditch the realism and improve something, so why not the framerate.

            Though there are times where the resources used on graphics are actually put to good use. When all of the industry’s graphical tricks go into making a game look more beautiful and more artful, rather than gritty and real, I can sacrifice the frames. Some games might even need the lesser framerate to better fit its art-style. This is typical in games that try to emulate a specific style of animation like Claymation for example. Also, while I may disagree on the industry’s use of the term “CINEMATIC” is in fact an art-style. If the industry wasn’t trying to push really bland looking games I’d be in total agreement with them on this topic.

            None of this exactly matters to some games though. Some games gain nothing from having a higher framerate. When we are criticizing trivia games for not running at 60 FPS, the argument looks pretty silly. There’s no high paced life or death single frame reaction you’d need in a game that just doesn’t operate like that. Trivia games, puzzle games, adventure games, role-playing games, etc. operate much more slow and single frames just aren’t as important, and if those frames could be canned to better the game in areas that’s actually important than that’s better for the game.

            The framerate debate tends to fall more into a more tech obsessed side of gaming. Games that perform optimally and make the best use of their extremely expensive systems are better. This tech ideology in games is another ghost of objective quality that passionate fans seem to be chasing. Honestly, the framerate debate probably hurts the less tech savvy portions of gaming. The demand that games improve their framerate would make a lot more games tough to run on lower end systems. Designing the game for a lower, but playable framerate would be better for these fans. Of course, the tech fetishists of games likely wouldn’t care for poorer people playing on lesser systems.

            Objective quality in games is a lie. Objective quality in games is an illusion that the games industry and mainstream games press have created so consumers would see their games not as art, but products to be bought and consumed. I feel games criticism is definitely getting further away from this, but the over-passionate tech fetishists fans of games chasing the same ghosts of objective quality through framerate is not doing games criticism any help.  Framerate is an important part of videogames, but it’s not a measurement of quality. Criticisms about a game’s framerates should honestly be seen as a more case by case basis. Is this game’s framerate acceptable? Would this game gain anything from a higher framerate? What would this game lose in exchange for a higher framerate? There’s no universal answer to all these questions for every videogame, so why even pretend that 60 FPS should be a make-or-break feature on every game? There is no objective measurement for games. Objective quality is a lie we keep kidding ourselves is true.

First Steps Into Kanto - Special Thanks Satoru Iwata

I’ve wanted to write about this particular topic for a while, but now is arguably the most appropriate time to write about it. Pokémon Crystal is a very important game to me. It is the namesake of this blog. It is the game that got me into RPGs. It is a game that cemented Pokémon as one of my all-time favorite game series. It is, without hyperbole, my favorite videogame.

            With the recent passing of Satoru Iwata, I’ve been thinking a lot about Pokémon Crystal again. It is not exactly Iwata’s biggest game. In fact, Iwata is only credited as a Special Thanks in the credits of Pokémon Gold and Silver. However, Pokémon Crystal wouldn’t be half the game it is without Iwata.

            The story goes Iwata developed some file compression tools to help add more content into Pokémon Gold and Silver which would end up being the Kanto portion of the game. His brief involvement made the games almost literally twice the games they were originally planned to be. I am forever grateful for his involvement. However, the goal of this piece is not to dwell on Iwata’s passing. I want to talk about how I felt taking my first steps back into the Kanto region playing Pokémon Crystal.

First Step Into Kanto

            Typically when playing Pokémon your goal is to become the Pokémon Champion of your region. You travel the region, form of a team with the new region’s Pokémon, collect the 8 gym badges, and challenge the Elite Four and the Champion at the Pokémon League to earn the rank of Champion and complete the game. However, the Generation II series is a bit different thanks to the expanded content made possible thanks to Iwata. On your way to the Pokémon League to challenge the Johto Champion, you are stopped and told you took your first steps into Kanto. You are told to check your map. Suddenly a whole new map appears before you to explore. Once you become Pokémon Champion of Johto you are asked to challenge the Gym Leaders of the Kanto region, the region from the original Pokémon games. Suddenly the game now has a whole surprise second half, and the surprises just start there.

            Taking the first steps into Kanto was very special to me. I was young and witnessing the game suddenly unfold into twice its expected size blew my mind. That was just the start though. The first steps into Kanto were a big deal, but I was never prepared for what lay ahead in this familiar, but new frontier.

Misty Appearing Older Than She Did In Her Original Appearance in Pokemon Red, Blue, and Green

 

What Remains of the city of Cinnabar Island

Blaine's New Makeshift Gym In a Seafoam Island Cave

            The Generation II Pokémon games are a sequel. Time has passed in Kanto which has changed some parts of the familiar region dramatically. Familiar characters such as the old Gym Leaders have aged visually. One Gym Leader, Koga was promoted to an Elite Four member so the Fuchsia City Gym Leader position was replaced with Koga’s daughter Janine. The iconic Viridian Forest that many players remember from the originals is now reduced to a route of mere shrubs. In the time passed between games, Cinnabar Island was destroyed by volcanic eruptions. A whole town integral to the adventure in Kanto was now gone, and the Gym Leader Blaine moved his Gym into a cave in Seafoam Island. The final Gym of Viridian City was led by the leader of the antagonist group Team Rocket, Giovanni. However, Giovanni left the group between games along with his position as Viridian City Gym Leader. In a huge surprise, the new Viridian City Gym Leader was now the former Champion of Kanto and the rival character from the original Pokémon games, Blue.

            After defeating Blue and claiming your final badge in Kanto, the final challenge of the Generation II Pokémon games awaits in the mysterious Mt. Silver. You make your way through Mt. Silver to be greeted with one final challenge.

The Final Battle

……

……

Red

            The final challenge is the Pokémon Champion of Kanto, the player character from the original Pokémon games, Pokémon Trainer Red. This final surprise was probably one of the most exciting finales to a game in my childhood. To end the long journey through Johto and the unexpected journey through Kanto against the character I played as in the original game was the stuff of dreams, but it was real and in my hands.

The battle is one of the hardest in the game with an unprecedented team of Pokémon near the 80 levels. The team is made of six Pokémon; Pikachu, Venusaur, Charizard, Blastoise, Espeon, and Snorlax. These Pokemon represent the journey of the first Pokémon game through the Kanto region. There are the four possible starters and cover mascots of the first generation titles. There’s an Espeon which is an evolved form of an Eevee you receive as a gift on your journey, and of course the Snorlax you find blocking your way that you awoke with the PokeFlute. The Espeon choice is particularly interesting as they could have gone with one of many of Eevee’s other evolutions, but went with Espeon. Likely this is the case because Red’s team already has most the other types covered and Psychic happens to be more advantageous than Umbreon’s Dark due to Snorlax being weak to Fighting, which Espeon counters. Espeon also evolves through Friendship which implies Red and Espeon have a strong bond. Also, Espeons are known to be very loyal to trainers they deem worthy, though this information was only stated in the game in the Generation III Pokedex.

Two Champions challenge one another in the depths of Mt. Silver. Both Champions prepare their powerful teams for battle. Only one Champion will stand in the end as the victor, the superior champion between both Kanto and Johto, a true Pokémon Master. Three long journeys have built up to this, from Kanto to Johto and back to Kanto again. I feel that makes a more than fitting finale for such a long journey.

......

……

……

            And just like that Pokémon Generation II ends.

Special Thanks

Satoru Iwata

(1959 – 2015)

The World I Live In: LGBT

            Likely if you are reading this you’ve seen my tweet regarding people’s ire for tumblr and hatred for queer, LGBT, or whatever your label of choice, people are so closely linked they might as well be one in the same. Personally I’m about sick of the discussion so I’m not interested in discussing it further here. Instead I want to chronicle some of my thoughts on an interesting response of the topic that has got me thinking. Now, the response shall remain totally anonymous as I don’t want anyone to be upset at this individual. I don’t even know them. I will likely never hear from them again. Though I do applaud them as they got me to think a lot about what I’ve said, even if I respectfully disagree.

            What world do I live in? I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I’ve been thinking a lot about this world I live in and how people like me are perceived and treated. Women are murdered and raped everyday just for being women. Lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, and the like get beaten and cast out of families everyday even after they’ve “won”. Though it is the treatment of trans people that weighs heavy on my mind tonight, and every night.

            “Queer People” I called them in my tweet. Queer people I find solidarity, though that choice of terminology was an issue. I understand the problematic history of the word “queer”. I understand to some it’s not a proud term. Though sadly to me, it’s probably the big catch-all term I find the most solidarity in.

            “LGBT” apparently the correct terminology I should have used. LGBT are the initials for the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender community. LGBT is a banner that instills a lot of pride for the downtrodden people of sexuality. They are a group that fights for equality against a grossly conservative, heteronormative world, the world that I live in.

            Sadly, in the world that I live in I cannot blindly take pride in the banner. I cannot march under the Rainbow Flag and act as if everything is okay. I cannot just act as if this LGBT community has my people under the T in their priorities. In LGBT, not all the letters are created equal. I take little pride or solidarity in the initials LGBT. Even as someone who falls under half of initials I cannot help but feel hopelessly alienated.

            Honestly, I strongly disagree with the idea that you can just initialize all the “important” identities into a neat little row. LGBT is quite a few identities too short. There are the extended versions like LGBTQ for people who identify under the problematic “queer” label or could be interpreted to include those “questioning”. LGBTQI is there for inclusivity of Intersex people. LGBTQIA is an extension to include asexual people. The list goes on, but I can’t help but feel for my friends and loved ones who get treated as “extensions” to the contemporary LGBT banner. The community just shrugs its shoulders and suggests if you were part of the “important” identities you would’ve made the initial cut. It all gets worse once you get to some downright insulting modifications to the banner like B for Bronies or A for Allies. Depressingly some people would accept those identities in before ones that my loved ones lay.

            Though even with just the contemporary four, LGBT, not all is fair. Trans people end up needing to fight to get any pull in LGBT spaces. Instead the T gets misgendered and abused. The T gets told that the cis people of the movement or even cis allies are more important. The T gets booed out of LGBT Pride Events for speaking their voice. The T is not equal, and I find it hard to find solidarity in that.

            The larger LGBT community is terribly transphobic too. It’s terrifying how many TERFs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists) get accepted in the LGBT community. Cis members of the LGBT community have no idea of the struggles of the trans people they are supposed to be fighting for, and quite frankly many of them do not care. Yet whenever trans people gain any ground these same people get to pat themselves and their Rainbow Flag on a good job for our hard work trying to survive. To tell you the truth, the larger LGBT Pride community scares me.

            Now do not get me wrong here. I am not asking for trans people or their cis allies to boycott the LGBT banner. I understand as much as any other trans person that our options for pride and inclusivity can be depressingly low. If you can take pride in the LGBT banner and that works for you more than other labels like “Queer” then go right ahead. I personally just cannot find any solidarity in the banner. I do not wish it harm, on the contrary I wish for a day that LGBT spaces are safe and inclusive enough for trans people like me to take pride in the banner. Until then I guess I have to look for alternatives that work for me, alternatives that work in the world I live in. 

Industry Ramble: Obvious Post-E3 Piece

Ah… the long awaited follow-up to my fluff piece about E3. Originally I was going to do a piece after every conference, but then I realized there’s just not enough to write for all the ones that aren’t Sony and Square-Enix. The dust has settled and E3 is past us for another year. I don’t want to go on the fan-war argument on who “won” E3 (but my smart answer is Japanese Games won) nor do I want to tackle the bummer arguments of that E3 is a sham and a capitalist hype machine that will shepherd all us sheep to consume. I’m not just a fan of either of those narratives personally. Instead I just want to quietly reflect on what I saw at the show in a small casual essay.

                                                    

            This reflection is mostly one of celebration. I actually enjoyed this year’s festivities quite a bit. I didn’t really know what to look forward to, but it resulted in the most surprising, and in my opinion, best E3 I’ve ever seen. This E3 season just felt like a time where so many people felt legitimately excited about the future of games. This was an E3 of “Miracle Grade Happenings” as I called it. The Last Guardian, Final Fantasy VII Remake, and Shenmue 3 are real. They were once legends of the seemingly decaying Japanese AAA games industry. They’d be the butt of jokes every year, but they, at least for now, are real products that are happening. Personally, I’m mostly looking forward to Final Fantasy VII’s Remake. I’ve been revisiting the original lately and it’s absolutely winning me over from my complicated negative relationship with that particular title (that I might go into detail later on). That’s not to say I dislike The Last Guardian or Shenmue 3, but those are just projects I have no personal investment in.

            That’s not to say this year’s show was just three megatons. There are also other announcements that get me really excited about finally buying into this “Next Generation” of gaming. Like I said in my earlier piece, Halo 5, Gears of War 1: Ultimate Edition and Gears of War 4 are games that were there on the Microsoft side that I am very excited about. Sony of course showed off The Last Guardian, but also showed products like Horizon: Zero Dawn that I feel have potential. Nintendo held their Nintendo World Championships which was a blast cheering on Cosmo along with other favorite speedrunners. Also, Nintendo finally showed us Star Fox: Zero, which originally I had little interest in until I saw it in motion and it reminded me of Star Fox: Assault, the only Star Fox game I personally enjoyed. Platinum Games being on the Star Fox project also helps instill confidence in that game as well. Bethesda showed off Fallout 4 which I have a lot of mixed feelings about but ultimately I am pretty excited for it. Electronic Arts brought Mass Effect: Andromeda, Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst, Star Wars: Battlefront, and that adorable Unravel presentation. Square-Enix, along with the Final Fantasy VII Remake bomb, brought with them a new Kingdom Hearts III gameplay trailer and a Nier sequel of all things developed by Platinum Games of all people. Even Ubisoft had… well… that sword fighting game has some potential, I hope.

            Also, this was a BIG E3 for women in games. There were lots of women protagonists representing in full force this year. Also, Link wore a dress, and not even as a joke (you know like the shameful display on that Fallout 4 trailer). Come on, you cannot say no about Link wearing a dress. He looks so adorable. I am so happy. It seems that perhaps the silent AAA industry is actually listening to us lowly bloggers, journalist, and feminists looking for better representation. They still have a long way to go, but at least we’re on this track.

            Overall, this was a really fun E3 to watch. I watch a ton of hours of Street Fighter V on stream. Nintendo brought back their Treehouse show which was just a blast to watch. I feel a huge amount of optimism after this show about the AAA game industry, or at least the games they are putting out. I feel this optimism is something that a lot of us needed. Video games have been rough lately. I’m glad that we at least had a brief moment of celebration and optimism for the future.

Industry Ramble: Inevitible Pre-E3 Hype Piece

           I’ve been having a hard time writing on this blog. Not that I don’t have anything to say, just I hold myself to an impossible standard and never get anything done. Maybe what could help me is to just relax and write up some more casual pieces.

            …And what better time to casually write about videogames than E3!

            Are you excited? Do you “Believe the Hype”? Are you ready for the Superbowl of business men trying to sell you videogames? Are you ready for buzzword filled speeches written by a madlib, delivered by mediocre actors or business men little charisma? Are you ready to be led through the AAA game industry hype cycle like the sheep that you are?

I kid, I’m excited for E3. Honestly, probably more excited than I am for most E3s. Almost entirely because for the first time since probably middle school I have no idea what to expect. That’s likely a positive side effect from lessening my focus of games reading about the big AAA releases and the ongoing trends in the industry. I haven’t kept my ear obsessively to ground for leaks and rumors. Instead I’ve been spending more time reading more critical pieces on games and… well, actually playing games.

So what am I excited for E3? Nothing, or more accurately I have nothing I am particularly looking forward to seeing in the show since I don’t really know what to expect. There will inevitably be news about the big AAA games that are there every year. I look forward to seeing what Call of Duty: Black Ops 3, Halo 5, Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and 3DS, and others have to offer. Of course there are always the favorite developers to look for as well. Excited to hear if Platinum or Square Enix have any big surprises for us (especially considering they seem to be saying that FFXV and Scalebound won’t have a major presence this year).

If I have any worries going into this year’s E3, it’s that I’m worried this will be The Year of VR. Not that I dislike VR, but it seems to be the big new “gimmick” that the industry is pushing. I could go on about how I’m skeptical of that ever catching on, but that’s a whole other exhaustive topic. I am just worried that we’re going to see a repeat of the motion control push but with VR headsets. Not that, again, I dislike either or think they are equivalent, but that its going to take up to majority of the show. Also, wow is it really difficult to present to a stage audience with their naked eyes the joys of VR, maybe even harder than trying to act out motion controls. At the time of writing this, the Pre-E3 Oculus Conference has already passed, and that was a pretty cringe worthy impression of things to come.

Of course there’s also specifically which conferences I’m interested in seeing. Typically I tend to really go out of my way to catch The Big Three, but I’ll catch the others if I’m not busy at the time. The only one of the “side” conferences I have a lot interest in is the Square Enix conference, but sadly it’s overlapped with Nintendo’s Digital Event.

Sony

Sad to say Sony is the conference I’m the least excited for, and mostly because Sony has the least to offer me. Sony doesn’t have the wealth of properties like Nintendo or the favorite new age IPs like Microsoft holds for me. It’s a shame because the PS4 and the Vita are probably the BEST consoles of their markets, but they just don’t have the pull of exclusivity for me that the others have. I’m sure Final Fantasy XV, Kingdom Hearts III, and Persona 5 will run their best on a PS4, but the slight difference in resolution is just not enough to get me on board with Sony. A bummer considering they won so much good will when they choose to side with consumers with the various next gen console scandals from a while back, but sadly I don’t buy consoles on good will or hardware specs. Also, ironic that Microsoft got dragged through the mud for talking up TV a while back, but last year Sony spent so much of their conference time talking about services and that POWERS PS Plus exclusive show which just doesn’t hold any interest for me. I WANT Sony to prove me wrong though. I WANT their console more than the competition. I’m even holding a PS4 controller RIGHT NOW… that I use on PC to play emulators with. I’m not sure what to expect or what exactly I want, but please just make me want to buy these consoles because I will… eventually… when I have money (I need a job).

Microsoft

Previously the villain to Sony’s hero, or the heel to Sony’s face, Microsoft is a company and the Xbone (yes I still call it that even as I search for deals to buy the damn thing) is a console that I have such mixed complicated feelings about. There’s a lot of mistrust, but also optimism I feel around Microsoft, and I likely buy into the latter because they have Halo, Gears of War, and a new game by Platinum (which is apparently going to be a no show sadly). Even the way I came into owning an Xbox for the first time was a complicated situation of mixed feelings. I got an Xbox 360 for Christmas one year because the Nintendo Wii was too rare and the PS3 was outrageously expensive. With Microsoft I pretty much know what I want. I’m already sold on the console because I hunger to put that Spartan armor on after a leave of absence. I want to see Halo 5 and hopefully the new Gears of War. I hope they are good like their predecessors I enjoyed so much, but also fresh new experiences all their own. Other than the big two shooters on the box I’m not sure what else exactly I want, but likely that will be enough for me. I’m already sold on getting an Xbox One, but make me much more excited for the eventual purchase. Also, please don’t be nearly as embarrassing as you have been in the past. I want to own an Xbone, but I also don’t want it to feel like I’m making a pact with a demon… the capitalist kind, not the cool kind with magic powers.

Nintendo

To no one’s surprise, Nintendo is once again the odd duck this year. Once again they are hosting a pre-recorded Digital Event instead of a big bombastic stage show. I have mixed feelings on that topic specifically, but at the very least it still gets across the same news and like I’d ever be able to see these shows live anyway. Nintendo is also hosting yet another big tournament at E3, though this time a reboot of the Nintendo World Championships instead of a Smash event. I suppose this is Nintendo trying to understand the concept of eSports or other competitive games, which outside of maybe Pokémon, they have a difficult time understanding (then again Nintendo has a difficult time understanding anything current). Honestly I had very little interest in this competition when it was announced, but then they announced that the competition will include newer games instead of just NES classics including the new and exciting Splatoon. Also, they invited a few special guests to compete that happens to be another competitive game scene that Nintendo has been almost historically opposed to, the Speedrun Community. Well, there’s also a few YouTubers thrown in the mix because of course (also an extremely ironic choice since Nintendo handles that scene poorly as well). Not sure if this will be as good as the Smash tournament last year, but at the very least I’m excited for it. Oh yeah… there’s also games to be announced… that’s a thing that happens at E3. Well, at the very least I like that they have a separate event pre-E3 scheduled to get the inevitable Smash news out of the way. Guess there will be more time during the Digital Event for other things. Though what won’t be there is the new Zelda revealed last year. There’s a bit of trend of these publishers announcing that they’re not showing their most anticipated properties at these shows. Still that’s yet another inevitable announcement that won’t be eating up the clock at the Digital Event. I look forward to being surprised. I’m already sold on their consoles considering I already own a 3DS and a still unopened copy of W101 that I bought new because I just could not ignore a Platinum game that released on my birthday (I wish I could just open and play the damn thing already).

Wow that short little write up became really huge after I got started. Maybe I can do this writing thing after all.