[Personal Update #1]

            So I haven’t updated Girl Sideward in quite a while. I realize I don’t quite have a drooling fanbase eager to munch on new content, but still I feel bad for neglecting my personal writing blog. I feel like if I wanna get serious with my writing I have to keep it up and not neglect it. I will (hopefully) get back into it real soon. I have a few topics in mind I might want to try and see if I can do anything with them.

            If you are curious, I haven’t been writing lately due to a laundry list of reasons, a big one being that I have a hard time finding the time lately. I’ve been getting more hours at my work which means more money, but less free time to play games or write. Speaking of work, I also don’t make that much sadly so it’s hard to afford games or the hardware to play them. I’ve actually been thinking of setting up a Patreon just so I can afford these things, but I just personally don’t feel I write well enough to feel comfortable charging money, but also, I’m not sure I have the time to dedicate myself to regular updates that paying patrons would expect. Maybe when the New Year rolls around I might consider it, but it all depends on how things are. Things are complicated. Gosh it would be nice to afford a shiny new Xbox One so I could talk about the new Halo (I really have a long special relationship with that series), or even just buy the new Fatal Frame in time for Halloween, but sadly none of that is in the cards for me right now.

            Sadly the woes of part time minimum wage work aren’t all that’s holding back Girl Sideward. Honestly, I’m still recovering from the shock that was September’s game releases. Metal Gear Solid V and Undertale have affected me in more emotional ways I’ve felt from games in a long, long time… and not all of that is positive. October is the season of FEAR, and ironically I’m mostly terrified of writing about games like that. I feel intimated by releases of the magnitude of MGSV or Undertale.

            Big releases or surprise cult classics are tough to write about and a huge part of that is the discourse they bring. Be it rabid fans and/or huge controversy, it’s hard for me to type my feelings on the page. I worry that if I say the wrong thing, followers of that game’s discourse could come down on me in droves. Either I say something that many disagree with on the BIG no-no of a major release or I make a small criticism of an indie hit I will have this wave of screams crashing down on me.

Also, I would be joining in the screams too to some extent. I know many people who just wish nothing to do with talks about certain releases because the cults get way too rowdy. September’s big releases has cause a lot of people I know and care about so much stress, and all of it stemming from people getting a bit too heated about another person’s opinions about a video game they like or don’t like. I’m not saying differences in criticisms and discussion thereof is an inherently bad thing, but when it gets to the scale of all of games’ media and social networks screaming about it there are problems. This will die down in time for sure and probably has mostly already for the two specific examples I listed, but it’s still something I constantly have to consider when picking something I want to write about sadly.

Hot topics also have a lot of others writing on it and I just feel outclassed and redundant compared to them. I’ll run into another critic’s article or video and I feel like I’m too late. How could I follow up someone like that? It’s especially frustrating when they end up saying exactly what I want to say but better. I know I’m looking at criticism as some weird competition here, but I can’t help but feel intimidated by all this.

The thing that has tripped me up most of all is that I just don’t feel I can do these games justice. No matter how many drafts I write, no matter how many changes I keep making, I’m not skilled enough of a writer to give these games the quality of writing they deserve. Games like MGSV and Undertale mean so much to me. Even if my opinions aren’t all positive, I still deeply care about these games so much I can’t put it to words.

I know this all sounds so weird. Only two topics I can’t write about, but I’ve wanted to write about them so badly it’s derailed everything. Ironically, I’m having much easier time writing about how I can write than anything else. Things might be looking up for Girl Sideward though. I bought myself a Wii U for my birthday which means more stuff I could write about if I feel the inspiration. I just finished a mainline Shin Megami Tensei game for the first time ever which was another thing that has intimidated me for the longest time and eventually accomplished. Also, considering I am a big fan of Pokemon and other cute monster based games for children, I am really excited for Yokai Watch coming west and I will more than likely share my thoughts on that series when I play that.

Perhaps it’ll just be healthier to vent my frustrations of not being able to write about these games, move on, and focus on other topics. There’s tons more to write about and I’m sure somebody might enjoy what I have to say about them.